5 Phrases that Make a Writer Want to Turn into a Dragon and Devour Souls

By J. B. Nash - August 1, 2020 

1. My Only Option

After saying “I have Degree in English and Writing,” and their reply is:

“Oh, so you’re a journalist?”

As if that’s the only reputable career choice as a writer. Ha! Jokes on you, I have no interest in journalism at all. (By the way, tune in next week for an interview with my martial arts instructor).

2. Reality v. Fiction

“Reality is stranger than fiction.”

If you really think that statement is true then you clearly haven’t read a word from Edgar Allen Poe, Neil Gaiman, China Miéville, James Joyce, William Shakespeare, J.K. Rowling, Stephen King, Tolkien… or any fiction writer for that matter. I highly doubt reality is going to be odder than a talking hat that sorts children into houses, or a giant flaming eyeball tower. The things that happen in a writer’s own head…well let’s not talk about that.    

3. Successful

“There are already tons of books out there…Why do you think you’ll be successful at it?”

This is a question my anxiety angel asks me all the time and my reply is always: What do you mean by successful? Successful—to me—is writing a book. That alone takes time, effort, concentration, organizational skills, sweat, tears, my eternal soul, a blood pact with the muse gods… 

4. So Much Icecream…

“What’s taking so long? It can’t be that hard to write a book. I could write one in a month.”

Try it. Know what it’s like to want to quit right in the middle of a 80,000 word count rough draft because the main character is off clowning around in a subplot that doesn’t make any sense whatsoever but you’ve just spent hours writing a beautiful description of a sunrise over the mountain tops, so now all you can do is throw your hands up in frustration while regretting that you ate an entire tub of icecream purely out of anxiety and frustration…No I’m not currently crying in a corner, you are. 

5. Grandiose Indeed

“You’re a writer? Sooo, what does ‘grandiloquent’ mean then?”

I am creator of fantasy realms and magical creatures, not a walking dictionary. I didn’t know there were going to be grammar tests throughout my career. Although, I do enjoy the additions to my English lexicon every now and then. Just don’t expect me to give you an answer for all your English homework woes. (grandiloquent, fyi, means “verbally pompous.” And, no, I didn’t just look that up, what are you talking about…).

Thank you for reading my blog! What phrases annoy you as an artist? How do you respond?

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